I know that the World Cup has come and gone, but for those of you who did not get a chance to read this - it is quite entertaining. As a background at my place of work we occasionally have small wagers - March Madness, who will win the Super Bowl, NBA Championships, etc... The World Cup presented another wonderful opportunity to have some banter in the work place. I work with a guy named Curtis Newton who I think should have his own sports blog... I present a taste of his interesting thought process of picking teams in a sport that he has no knowledge of. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in the following do not necessarily reflect my personal opinions or those of anyone else in my family. All off color or racially oriented jokes were made in good fun by Curtis Newton, I cannot be held responsible for his views... I think that should cover it.

So I just filled a World Cup bracket out and never have I felt less informed in my life....I based it entirely on economics, historical fact, wars, pop culture, and all the African nations for home court advantage...if you notice there is no mention of soccer.

Couple of highlight picks for my 2 coming out of pool play:

Ivory Coast: Anyone who looks like the Predator and has a name very similar to Ivan Drago from Rocky 4? Winner in my book...broken arm and all. Have you seen this dude? Pretty sure he would eat my face and think nothing of it...Built like Karl Malone with Ricky Green speed. Whoa...

Argentina: Kobe thinks Lionel Messi is the best and I never argue with the Black Mamba. Ever. Even with rumors he may be hurt...Messi, not Kobe. Plus Maradona (a junkie superstar coach) has implemented a "have as much crazy monkey sex as possible, it made me play better, it will make my team better" I never had coaches like that...but that's my new policy also.

England and USA: Not even sure England is still officially a country (pretty sure France took over about 6 years ago) but the dude with the man beard for the UK is a stud. Plus he kind of looks like my brother Josh. Win/win in my book...but his name is Wayne Rooney? Pretty sure he's American and doesn't know it...He may have to switch teams at halftime.

All African nations: Are you kidding me? These guys riot, smash, and run folks over for an exhibition...Home field will be in full effect. They may burn the stadium down, but it won't be dull. Pretty sure like little league All-Star teams when you show up and Vegas has 6 teams but they stacked one of the teams with all the best players one of these teams is loaded. Not sure which one, but once again go with the Predator...He almost killed Arnold, wiped out Apollo Creed, put a hole the size of Texas in Jesse “The Body” Ventura...I mean come on!!! Aliens are good at soccer apparently!!!

Mancrush: My man crush Cristiano Ronaldo is in the "death pool" whatever that means...It was him against the Predator and I went with the Predator but man have you seen the chicks Ronaldo gets. Ridiculous. (Disregard the fact he may or may not had Tranny's).Highest paid, arguably the best, looks like an Abercrombie model...WTF. God plays favorites. I will be super PISSED (or pretending to) if Brasil gets knocked out and the Predator and my mancrush move out of pool play. I will have no idea who to cheer for...Yes I will. The Predator.

Group H: Pretty sure Chile and and Honduras are the same country and have you seen Gladiator? When they cheer "Spaniard, Spaniard" even though he's not Spanish. Spain you're in!!! Which leaves Switzerland? Can I really pick a country that likes to base itself on "neutrality"? I mean is their team going to stand there and do nothing? I picked them none the less...Why you may ask? Have you seen a Swiss Army knife? Sold!!!

I've never been so excited for something I know ZERO about in my whole life...I'm trying to think of something even comparable on this grand of scale? Nothing even close. I wish I would have went (S. Africa is the "white" part of Africa right?)...Can Asians play soccer? No idea, but I know there is a lot of jokes there that aren't PC. Do I really know my geography and know where the Netherlands, Slovenia, and Algeria really are located? Not sure. If Mexico doesn't come out of pool play, will the country (and California) be depressed and Corona/Tecate sales go through the roof and all Subways will be closed for a few days for lack of employees? I say yes. At what point does Mexico ever shake the US players hands after the inevitable loss? Never....Why? Because they'll never beat us at their own sport! Awesome.

So tomorrow at 11:30 I will drape myself in an American flag and for 2 hrs pretend to have some idea of what's going on and what's the significance...U-S-A!!! There's a pretty good chance by Saturday afternoon I will have forgotten the World Cup is even on (like the rest of the US) but for one brief second...I get it. Ole...Ole...Ole...GGGGOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!

Curtis Newton